Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Welcome Back, boys!

If Leroy Neiman and Hieronymus Bosch were to collaborate on an artpiece, they could do worse than a painting to commemorate today's immortal sports moments. Item 1: Major League Baseball welcomed back artificially enhanced, finger pointing Rafael Palmeiro to the rapidly disintegrating Orioles organization. Welcome back! Item 2: Kenny Rogers had his suspension for assaulting a cameraman shortened by an arbitrator...he's back today to face my Red Sox. Stop me if I'm wrong, but the last time I looked, assault was still a felony in most states. Speaking of felons, this brings me to Item 3: Todd Bertuzzi. Todd, you may or may not recall, crushed an unaware Steve Moore from behind, then slammed him to the ice and broke two of his neck vertabrae. Bertuzzi's back today, with a $5.2 million contract. Sweet.

1 comment:

The Spaniard said...

Bertuzzi Lays Out Queen Elizabeth with Vicious Crosscheck

Queen Elizabeth II dropped the ceremonial puck Sunday night in a preseason match-up in Vancouver between the Canucks and Sharks, in what was supposed to be a celebratory occasion. Instead, thanks to a crushing crosscheck from the Canucks Todd Bertuzzi that sent the Queen’s crown flying, the event was marred, and she had to be removed from the ice on a stretcher with a broken nose and mild concussion.
“She came out onto the ice with this attitude,” said Bertuzzi, a bruising forward. “She thought she owned the place. So after she dropped the puck and was walking back towards the glass I skated by and smashed her into the boards. She had it coming with that pompous attitude. I have no regrets.”
The Queen’s mangled nose left a blood smear on the glass and blood pooled around her crumpled body as she lay on the ice for several minutes.