Yes, it came the time for my little guy to have his doghood snatched (errrr....snipped?) from him. Sorry little guy, we adore you, but we can't have you running around making more Little Murphys.
My friend Kurt sent me the obvious next step for my pup: Neuticles!® It's absolutely brilliant--artificial testicles for your neutered pet. At first I thought it was a joke, but then I saw:
Over 250,000 caring pet owners Worldwide have selected Neuticles® as a safe, practical and inexpensive option when neutering.
Really? Then it must be a good idea. I wonder if they color-code, like black for Pugs and blond for Golden Retrievers? But they must be working because, let's face it, 250,000 (idiot) pet owners can't possibly be wrong, can they?
Neuticles® allows your pet to retain his natural look, self esteem and aids in the trauma associated with neutering.
I am a little worried about Murphy's self-esteem. Will he be okay? I am sure he will. I mean, seriously. If anybody understands what he's going through, it would be me, right? By the Neuticles equation, I'm half the man I used to be, so perhaps I should be speaking to them about upping the human ante. Still, the best quote on the website is...
With Neuticles®-It's like nothing ever changed...
Well, yeah. Except someone CUT YOUR BALLS OFF!