Monday, October 30, 2006

My Own Little Victory

The question of which Pennsylvanian has it worse, me or Ben Roethlisberger, has been raised. Here is my analysis.

Ben: Riding his motorcycle in June when he T-boned a car and crushed his jaw.
Me: Riding my bicycle in August when I was hit and run by a pickup truck, scraping the entire left side of my body in road rash.
Loser: Ben Roethlisberger

Ben: Diagnosed with acute appendicitis; emergency operation to remove the appendix.
Me: Diagnosed with testicular cancer; emergency operation to remove “Lefty”
Loser: I think we can all agree this one is Me

Ben: Concussion knocks him out of commission, still shaky on his return; throws four interceptions and loses AGAINST THE RAIDERS
Me: Bronchitis knocks me out of commission, but I work from home and still manage to close a deal
Loser: Ben Roethlisberger

Ben: Backup comes in and performs admirably; people begin calling for Charlie Batch (!) to replace him
Me: As long as I’m closing, I’m golden
Loser: Ben Roethlisberger

How about that! In the final analysis, as bad as I had it, I am not even the worst-off person in Pennsylvania. How refreshing, that my life is better than last year’s Super Bowl Champion quarterback.

1 comment:

Redlefty said...

Hilarious! The Ben thing is actually all my fault. Here's the lowdown:

Two years ago I bought my mom a Priest Holmes "action figure" made by Todd McFarlane. It was a collector's item (red uniform version) and I thought she'd enjoy it. Then Holmes got hurt and has never returned to form.

This year I bought my boss a Ben Roethlisberger figure after the Steelers won the Super Bowl (my boss is from Pittsburgh originally). Now look at him.

So I have trumped the Sport Illustrated cover jinx and created my own special curse. When my dad heard about it (lives in KC... big Chiefs fan), he said, "Son, you may be on to something. Go buy two Jake Plummers and I'll pay you back."

Let's hope the McFarlane series doesn't release a FishR figure.