No such thing....

....as a dumb question?

It's interesting to me that so many people talk about dumb jocks, without due consideration to some of the people who make them look dumb. That's what makes this pictorial so amusing.

Whatchoo Talkin' 'bout Willis?

Victor Willis is on the run from the law, skipping out on a court hearing for drug and gun charges. The name probaby doesn't mean a lot to you, but millions of people from my generation remember him as the cop from the Village People.

You know where they're going to find him. Here or here...

Chuck is My Co-pilot

I have not been a victim nor have I been a perpetrator of road rage, as outlined below. Still, in these increasingly dangerous times, I am considering the creation of a new Chuck Norris ride along partner. You see people with these things in the HOV lanes of major cities, scofflaws who need to get to work a little quicker, so they use "fake" people so policemen won't harrass them. Mine would look like Chuck Norris.

Why Chuck Norris? Consider the facts(FYI, some Chuck-tough language here...).

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

B-E Aggressive...A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E...

Are you an aggressive driver? You could take this test to find out. I came out a litle higher than the average, but if you drove Interstate 81 in Central Pennsylvania (with apologies to people in the REAL Central Pennsylvania, State College) every day to work, you would too. There's a word that comes to mind...

It's one of the most dangerous sections of road in the country, with people driving much too fast, far too many trucks, due to the huge trucking warehouses that center in the greater Carlisle area, and it's part of a large transcontinental confluence, so there are way too many people that don't know where they are going or what they are doing. It's a recipe for disaster...and road rage. At least I don't go out armed like California drivers...

Prepare to make the jump to Hyperbole....

A friend of mine, who is in pharmaceutical sales, has suggested I consider it as a future career. I'm not interested, but I took a look at an ad anyway. Now I understand that one of the things about sales job advertisements is their penchant for hyperbole....exaggeration....and often simple, bald faced lies. I was pretty sure I had seen everything until I saw this ad.

PHARMACEUTICAL SALES SPECIALIST
If you’ve ever believed your career should be greater than the sum of its parts…if you’ve ever pushed beyond an expectation…if you’ve accepted a challenge when others would not dare…then we have something in common. At Sepracor, we are redefining what it means to innovate in the pharmaceutical industry. Whether you’re educating doctors about the benefits of our products or discovering new ways to increase our products’ market share, your contribution at Sepracor will be recognized and rewarded…and it will echo throughout future generations.

We are currently seeking experienced sales professionals in several locations across the United States.

Who writes this stuff? It's like the Pulp Novelists were raised from the dead and have been asked to write classified ad copy. I'm not really sure how pimping sleeping pills is going to echo throughout future generations, but I'll take their word for it.

Scene Steeler...

...and then there's this story, about Terry O'Neill, a Steelers fan who had a heart attack when Jerome Bettis fumbled in the waning moments of the Indy-Pittsburgh game.

O'Neill says Bettis is his hero, and he was upset with the idea the player might have ended his career with an error.

"I wasn't upset that the Steelers might lose," O'Neill told the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review. "I was upset because I didn't want to see him end his career like that. A guy like that deserves better. I guess it was a little too much for me to handle."

I'm thinking Jerome would have been upset about the fumble...in the last moments of the game...going in for a game-sealing touchdown. But if you're really concerned about Jerome, here's an idea, Terry (and here's where I'm making some assumptions). Get outside, get some exercise, and eat a couple of vegetables today...and tomorrow.

From now on, O'Neill says he will probably just take it easy and watch future games at home.

You might also want to NOT watch the game this week. What's going to happen if Big Ben throws an INT? They'll probably have to cart him off the field.

Still, James Henry Smith set a Pittsburgh precedent set for that as well...

Tight-Knit Group

I don't think you need to knit to think this blog is one of the funniest out there. Caution: Some language, so if you're easily offended, you might want to skip this one...

Whatchacallit...

I have been spending quite a bit of time in the car lately, which can be an interesting experience, especially for a divergent thinker. Convergent thinkers are those kids that knew every answer in school. They could take complex data and ideas, and boil it all down to the right, single answer. They could tell you to the 4,400th decimal point what PI was...from memory. I'm convinced these are the kids that went on to become researchers and CSI investigators.

But I was, and continue to this day, to be a divergent thinker. Which can take you to some pretty weird places, especially when you have time alone...in a car...like me. I was listening to one of those tired comedians talk, yet again, about oxymorons: "What about jumbo shrimp, is it jumbo, or is it shrimp...friendly takeover...humanitarian invasion...yada-blabba-doo. (Interestingly, I did a quick search and found this list, which includes polite salesman. What? There are no polite salesmen? They are either polite or salesman? You forgot Date with and oxymoron online list compiler).

Anyway that got me to thinking. What do you call something that, instead of being either-or (Jumbo Shrimp is either Jumbo or Shrimp) is neither-nor? I'm thinking about things like Singer-songwriter, neither singers ("And now, the silky-smooth stylings of Mr. Bob Dylan [Insert sound effect: needle drawn across vinyl record]...) nor songwriters (Puff, the magic...). Another example: Human Resources...neither human, nor resources.

So now that it's defined, I'm looking for a word to apply to the concept. What would you call it?

The Good, the Bad and the Oddly...

One of the things about sales is you can spend quite a bit of time on the road, especially in restaurants. Sometimes it's really good. You get to visit new restaurants or develop favorites in other towns and cities (there's a little sushi shop in Philadelphia on 17th, right near a client I had. The client hated sushi, so I used to try to schedule him for 10.30 am. I wrapped up my meetings right before the lunch rush, and went over to grab a table before my next appointment). (I have travelled mostly in Pennsylvania, which, under the category of the good, offers some spectacular views. I especially like the mountains out west in the Laurel Highlands. And, you get to visit some places you might not ordinarily visit, like Frank Lloyd Wright's Falling Waters).

Believe me--it's not all fun, no matter what my non-expense-account, teacher-wife would have you think. Nothing says bad restaurants on the road, like food poisoning (twice), though. Still, overall I haven't had a lot of bad road experiences...but I know people who have broken down, run out of gas (in the rain), been run off the road by trucks...again, I've been fortunate.

And then there's the odd. One of the stranger things, at least in Pennsylvania, is putting odd things on top of, or in front of, their restaurants. I have eaten at two of these restaurants: Zinn's Diner, with it's Giant Amish Men where the food was utterly forgettable. The reason I remember it at all was the Amish guy and the fact that I was taking a business trip with my dad, which was cool-beyond-cool as I was about 12 at the time. This week I ate at Kelly's with it's giant cow, in Boalsburg outside of State College. I'm pleased to report they are more than just a gimick--get the salad with REAL grilled chicken.

There are some pretty strange things on the Internet, but I'm not convinced that a life in sales, as it flits and flirts with the edges of reality, isn't stranger still...

Is there anybody out there....

Sorry, it's been a while. Things are crazy...stay tuned, more will come as soon as I take the hippo off my chest and the monkey off my back.

Old school...

As a Penn State fan, I am also a fan of Joe Paterno, known affectionately as Joe-Pa to those who adore him. This year, he was one second away from a perfect season, after seven combined wins in the past two years. A friend of mine passed this article along to me, highlighting the circumstances surrounding the University administration asking him to step down at the end of last year. It offers a good read and good insight into a decent man, who still defines old-school.

Go Penn State. Go Joe.

Find the lost....

I just finished reading Assassination Vacation by NPR commentator Sarah Vowell. Whetther or you agree with her politics or not, it is a very interesting read as she tours the Assassination sites of Presidents Lincoln, Garfield and McKinley.

One of the more interesting things to come out the book was Find a Grave, which enables you to look up the final resting places of famous people (T.S. Eliot is in Somerset, England), or to do a search of your area to find out who's close (Fred Rogers, Betsy Ross and Jim Thorpe, for me).

What we all want...

...is a little more time, perhaps to spend with family and friends. Guesss what? All those wishes are about to come true, with the addition of a Leap Second. Apparently, we've been spinning a little slower the last couple of years, so now we get an extra second. You might want to think about how you're going to use yours...

Merry Christmas....

...what do you get for the person who has everything? Here's an interesting idea...

CRIKEY!!!

According to this report, Crocodiles are now the number one predator in Zimbabwe, taking over from elephants.

Crocodiles dragged away and ate 13 people -- including children -- in the first 10 months of 2005, according to the Communal Areas Management Program for Indigenous Resources, known as Campfire.

Elephants charged and trampled 12 others, including some villagers trying to protect their crops from the giant herbivores, who eat an average 300 kilograms (660 pounds) of fodder a day as adults, the group said in its annual report.

Still, before you cancel your travel plans, consider this report, and realize you're probably safer trying to push an elephant into a river in Zimbabwe than you are in our nation's capitol.

I'll take the crocodiles, just don't put me in those stupid shorts.

What's your Christmas name?

Find out here.

Simply the Best....

So, you want to live in the best country in the world, huh? Guess what? You're going to have to pack your bags and move. According to this report, you could actually choose 11 other countries to improve your options (I personally disagree with Norway as a selection...I can't imagine they collected the data in early February).

So who is number one? My people, of course.

Philadelphia Icon For Sale

Check out this auction, if you have a million dollars and a desire to have your own Rocky Balboa statue.

Now the question...where to put it? I'd like to get one of the other two out there as well, and put them in front of my driveway, flanking the entrance to my house.

Paddy wins again...

Your joke of the day:


Three Irishmen and three Englishmen are traveling by train. At the station, the three Englishmen each buy a ticket and watch as the three Irishmen buy just one ticket. "How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks one of the Englishmen.

"Watch and learn," answers one of the men from the Ireland.

They all board the train. The three Englishmen take their respective seats but all three Irishmen cram into a toilet together and close the door. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The Englishmen see this happen and agree it was quite a clever idea, so after the game, they decide to do the same thing on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip, but see, to their astonishment, that the three Irishmen don't buy any ticket at all.

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed Englishmen. "Watch and learn," answer the Irishmen.

When they board the train the three Englishmen cram themselves into a toilet and the three Irishmen cram into another toilet just down the way. Shortly after the train is on its way, one of the Irishmen leaves their toilet and walks over to the toilet in which the Englishmen are hiding.

The Irishmen knocks on their door and says, "Ticket please".

Where's Waldo?

My friend Lou was talking about geography, which reminded me of this test. See if you're smart enough to pass third grade.