Thoughts From the Road: Deadlifting

I've noted before, that as a salesperson on the road, I have moments where my mind wanders to some rather unusual places. This week I was coming back from visiting a client and I was sitting at a red light. The light turned green, but the cars from my left side kept coming through, with one car blocking the intersection in Secret Service style.

What struck me as the funeral procession rolled through the intersection and the shiny cars (people always clean their cars to go to a funeral) moved grimly past,was the enormity of the occupants of these cars. As a former larger guy (I used to roll at 220+ on a six-foot frame), I'm used to seeing larger people, and sometimes thinking, "It doesn't have to be like this. There's good help and good information out there."


My mind followed this thread. There are really large, out of shape people in this funeral, quite possibly going to bury their really large, possibly out of shape family member/friend. At some point, they had to get the body into the hearse, and from the hearse they will have to get it to the grave. How are they going to do it? If the corpse is extremely large, wouldn't they need to be MORE in shape just to lift said corpse. Or, they could use MORE PEOPLE, but that's a problem because they're so rotund they can't get more people around the coffin. I could not get my head around the conundrum. How does it work?

When I got home that night, I asked Mrs. Fish...she just shook her head, with the look of incredulity that asks the dual questions "How do you come up with this stuff?" and "Why are you asking ME this question?" at the same time. Guys. You know the look. Women. You know the feeling.

On my ride in the next day, I began thinking about this again. This was not a single, isolated incident. Surely these were not the only people to be faced with such a problem. As America gets fatter and ostensibly weaker, this is going to become more and more of a problem, not less and less of one. Already they are making oversized coffins (check out Goliath Coffins). But that only solves the problem of what to bury them in, not how to get them in the ground.

Then, I came upon a solution. Why not get the fitness community involved? Funeral directors could go to local gyms and create a Rent-A-Pallbearer system. The training would be simple and the work could be part of the lifter's routine...it's win-win. Furthermore, the bereaved could be doubly assured: First, their beloved would be treated with dignity and respect. He or she would be carried and laid to rest without the awkwardness of the grunt/scream when the lift begins (again, the training program for the lifters would emphasize a no grunting practice) or worse, the dropping of the casket and it's inhabitant before it reaches it's final resting place. Second, the Rent-A-Pallbearer system minimizes the even worse scenario of a person dying while lifting the corpse.

So there you have it. I told you my mind went to some pretty strange places while I am on the road.