Double Docs

Caution: Graphic Medical Descriptions
I went to the doctors this week. Two of them. I am still feeling stiff and am in pain from getting hit by the pickup truck. I've had radiating pain across my lower back, scar tissue building up in the forearm area where I landed on the rocks, and most pressingly, a pain down the outside of my left leg. I wanted to make sure that nothing was missed or that things were on track for healing so i scheduled an appointment with an osteopath.

Dr. Z. is on eof those older, talkative, has-a-story-for-every-situation type of guys. He was also a rider in his youth, covering 300+ miles on trips with his buddies over long weekends...yeesh! He said the first two items were okay, but that the reason my thigh was hurting is because when I landed, i bruised a major nerve running down that side. I told him it still hurt, and he said I could expect it to do so for some time.
"How much time?"
"Six months...longer. I've seen some of these take over a year-and-a-half to heal fully. If it gets worse, call me and we'll snip it. It will go numb, but at least you'll be out of pain."

It doesn't hurt bad enough for that, so I'll just keep on going. Carp.

I also had to get a pair of x-rays while I was there, just to make sure no fractures were missed in the original x-rays. The nurse informed me I would probably have to take my pants off, but she could give me a gown if I wanted. I told her my brief history, and said, "I've been poked, prodded, stuck, disrobed, marked and sliced. I think I'll be okay with this, too." She laughed and we took the x-rays: Normal.

Doctor II...
I was also having problems related to the testicular removal surgery (radical left orchiectomy, for those keeping track), most notably blood in my semen. I called Dr. Wenger, the guy who performed the surgery, and left a message with his nurse.

I was a little worried (blood does NOT belong there!) so I was glad when they called back and said it was most likely an infection. Apparently, these things are not uncommon, and the SOP is to give horsepills (500mg of Cipro 2x per day) for a week to clear it up...oh, and no ejaculations for a month.
"WHAT!!??!!!?"
Yup. Actually, it was funny because the woman giving me the news was obviously in a crowded room, and she was trying to keep her voice down as she told me the news. For a second, I considered playing deaf, and saying, "I'm sorry what? What? Um, can you speak up--I'm having trouble hearing you." Maybe next time.