Learning to Fly...

Into the distance, a ribbon of black

Stretched to the point of no turning back

A flight of fancy on a windswept field

Standing alone my senses reeled

A fatal attraction is holding me fast,

How can I escape this irresistible grasp?

There's no sensation to compare with this...

Thirty-five years ago, I rode my first motorcycle. I was 12, and my buddy's parents had bought him a small dirt bike. We took turns writing it in circles around his house. It was AWESOME... Until I went home and my mother smacked me with a wooden spoon, exclaiming in her Irish brogue,"You're never to ride a bike, ever again!" There are, of course, those people who would look at this as a challenge, a gauntlet thrown down as an invitation to fight, an obstacle to overcome in order to take a defiant step into manhood. Those people never lived with my mother.

So that was that. But I never forgot it. It was like something awakening inside of me, each spring. My mother was born in Dublin, Ireland and left home at the age of 15 to travel through Europe and eventually land in America, settling in New Jersey by way of New York. She gave me the blessing of loving to cook and the curse of a wanderlust that never seems quite satisfied. And every spring, I feel it again, made all the more powerful because of the latent effects of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)

My wife J. greenlighted the endeavor, having long ago resigned herself to being married to a guy who gets ideas in his head and realizing the only way for me to get them out is to purge them through activity. So, two years ago, I decided to take the PA Motorcycle Safety Course. The advantages of the course are many:

• The course is FREE!
• The course is taught by people who have been riding longer than I've been alive
• They provide a motorcycle, so if you drop it, it's still theirs
• At the end of the course, you get your Motorcycle License
• Did I mention it's FREE?!?

There are two days of rather droll classroom instruction, but I realized it is the kind of thing that is going to help me ride a motorcycle and quite possibly save me from bodily harm. So, I forced myself to pay attention, practicing the barely contained patience of a kid on Christmas Eve. And then, I got to sit on a real motorcycle for the first time in 35 years. and start it up. And I knew, as soon as I sparked those 250ccs of pure Suzuki power to life, that something also came to life inside of me. And, I was hooked. Forever.

A New Start...

Here's the thing. I realized, thanks to a number of recent influences, that I haven't done much of anything that involves creativity in a long while. Then, my wife started cooking. My brother-in-law started a blog (and wrote a novel!). A high school friend from days gone by recently connected with me and she's a full-time (no longer starving) artist. And my daughter...well, at 17, she is one of the most creative people I know, and continues to inspire me. 

There was a time when I spent a good deal of time writing, painting, and drawing, even considering it as a career for myself. It's quite unlikely I am going to be the next Hemingway, but I also want to get back in touch with that creative side. 

50 Things To Do When You're Sick

My daughter is sick. She is bored. So here is her list of 50 things to do when you're sick:
1) Watch Spanish soap operas and shoot Nerf guns at the villains. 
2) Make an origami bird
3) Make origami binoculars to look at your origami bird
4) crumple the origami binoculars - Bam! Origami snake!
5) Grow a cat from scratch
6) get hopped up on your meds and prank call your parents at work
7) wash your dog so he doesn't smell like a cracker
8) Pretend to be a doctor and shine a flashlight down your throat as you say "Ahhhhh"...
9) Start a fake disease, claim you have, then set up a website accepting donations for a cure
10) Find the Elder Wand
11) Wear your dog as a hat; cats work too....sometimes. 
12) Microwave a Peep and see what happens. 
13) Glue a sock to our nose and pretend to be an elephant
14) ask a parent what they thought was funny back in the day on TV, then see if you can find it funny. For example:http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=Gs1ljs5Acig&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DGs1ljs5Acig
15) Shave a bear
16) Pretend you are a tiger waiting for your prey, then pounce on the mailman and ATTACK! 
17) write a story
18) pretend you're a tornado and rampage through the house. 
19) Pretend you're a tomato and sits in a bowl
20) Translate what your pets are saying
21) Text your friends. A lot. So when they turn their phone on at lunch, it blows up. 
22) throw things to the squirrels. Or at the squirrels. 
23) Adventure Time Marathon!
24) Spend some time upside down...unless you have the stomach flu. That's where it gets "interesting"...
25) Paint your nails
26) Repaint your nails 
27) Exfoliate your dog
28) Organize your room....yes, my father came up with that one. Yarg.
29) Walk and text at the same time
30) Get your Zombiepocalypse plan in order 
31) Get your life plan together - but only AFTER you have done #30
32) color your pet's hair
33) Color in a coloring book - it's more soothing than you think
34) Hit stuffs with a hammer - also oddly soothing
35) Name your teeth
36) Write a letter 
37) Draw a picture to go with the letter
38) draw a picture of what you think the germs that are making you sick look like
39) Look them up on the Intarwebz and see if you were right
40) Call QVC and start a conversation with the operator
41) Sue someone - bonus points if her name is Sue
42) Organize your shoes....oooooh, forgot I had those!
43) Type with your nose...I just typed that with my nose
44) Make a treasure map
45) Play hide and seek with yourself 
46) Create a pillow fort 
47) Make up an accent and speak like that all day long, including when you call QVC
48) Make yourself a picnic
49) Pretend you're a dinosaur and stomp through the house 
50) Make a crazy list

LiveSTRONG 2012 Ride Report -- Epilogue

Paul and I grabbed a quick bite, then went our separate ways. I had a great time riding with him, and I am grateful to him and my brother and eternal riding partner, Patfish Hunter, who has done every Challenge with me. I missed the people who could not be there, Jennifer, Michael, Kurt, Sean, Randy, George and Brad.


The ride home is always a cramp-fest, with quads, calves, and even my lower back seizing up. It's always been that way, and this trip was no different. I came home to an empty house as Mrs. Fish had taken Li' Fish over to church. I stretched, got a shower, stretched, cleaned up my gear and stretched. Mrs. Fish came home and I just hugged her, grateful to have had the last amazing 19 years with her.

Then I had to go pick up Li'l Fish. I walked into church and a lot of the youth group were really happy to see me and then I heard "DADDY!" It was the same voice I heard six years ago when I finished my first Challenge, and an eight-year-old Li'l Fish came bobbing across the parking lot into the arms of her daddy. Tonight, a young woman looked me almost eye-to-eye, and I realized just how much she has grown since that first Challenge, and just how much I have been given in these six years.

I am blessed...

LiveSTRONG 2012 Ride Report -- Part VI

Paul and I quickly fell in with Andy, a foul-mouthed guy from Plymouth Meeting. He said he was riding for his friend who had died from intestinal cancer. Andy wanted to remember him properly, and he thought the ride would be the ticket. He was skilled rider, and strong on the climbs. He could also curse a blue-streak that would embarrass a Marine. At one point, he said, "I'm not a #$*&ing religous guy" and I replied, I am. He asked why, and I told him my story, and he agreed he could see, maybe, how God was working in my life. It was an interesting moment. Interestingly, when he pulled up next to us, I was wondering how much longer I was going to have to ride with this #$*&ing guy, and when we separated, I honestly wished it would have lasted longer. God does continue His work....

The LiveSTRONG Challenge does bring out both the best and the worst in people (it's a lot like cancer in that way). Readers of this blog might remember how I almost got into a fight with a Prius guy two years ago (STORY HERE). As Paul and I pushed into the last 20 miles, a guy in a convertible BMW rolled by heading the opposite direction, raised his hand (or, more accurately, one-fifth of his hand) and gave us a "salute". I can only assume our ride to beat cancer had ruined his afternoon drive. Paul asked me if anyone had ever, in the history of cycling, received that "salute" and just decided in that moment that, "You know what? Gosh darnit, you're right. I really need to stop riding my bicycle because it's ruining the drives of all these people in their fancy cars."
Ummmmm...no. No cyclist ever has.
The irony is that, in a BMW convertible, flipping the bird to people actually exposes it to sunlight. Which causes cancer. The irony was not lost on me. Or Paul.

Mile after mile, Paul and I pedaled onward. The last section of the ride actually looks very similar. Hills, rolling hills. And more rolling hills. They're not big hills, but they are consistent. We call them rollers. Up and down the rollers we went. It affords you time to think, and for me, I have always used this time to think about the people I have known through cancer. this year, I spent a lot of time thinking about the man who would have been my father-in-law. He passed away shortly before Mrs. Fish and I started dating, and I was sad that he never got to see what an amazing woman she has become. Even sadder, he never got to meet Li'l Fish, and to see just how amazing she is. I can't help but wonder at how cancer had robbed him of this, and robbed us of that experience.

And then Paul and I rolled over the last hill and I was looking down at the bottom of the hill and the area where the finish line was. It always catches me a little off guard, because it's so unexpected. After dozens of hills, you're suddenly...DONE. Paul and I coast down the hill and he heads left in the supporter's chute, I go right into the Survivor's chute, and for the sixth time, the announcer says:

NOW FINISHING, ROB DUFFIELD -- SURVIVOR!

LiveSTRONG 2012 Ride Report -- Part V

The other thing that I discovered about Dave was that his sister and brother-in-law own the Landis Store. The Landis Store is the most epic of rest stops, located at roughly the halfway point, and you have to ride the 100 mile route to get there. It is also located at the top of a 1 mile climb that is incredibly steep at points. Honestly, it's the climb that puts the "Challenge" in the LiveSTRONG Challenge. At the top of that climb, the Landis Store offers live music, chicken and rice soup and the friendliest volunteers on the course. It's a party! I always think of the Landis Store fondly, because it was so special to my friend Kurt, and I was thinking of him as I was talking to Dave. Sadly, he could not ride with us this year, due to an injury. Toughen up, and we'll see you next year, Kurt. I gave Dave a BUTNZ! for himself, and one for his sister, for all of her hospitality over the years.

We pulled into the next rest stop and Pat, Paul and I regrouped. We quickly refueled and got back on the rode. Pat had committed to the 45 mile ride and Paul and I were still undecided. We got right back into the swing of things, when all of a sudden, we came up to a fork in the road, and it was decision time. Go left and do the 45 mile ride. Or go right and shoot for 70 miles. Paul and I were still feeling really good, so we decided we were going right. Pat was ready to head for home. It was really strange, because I honestly thought we had more time (I think in life we always think we have more time, until suddenly we don't). We said a quick goodbye, and I was saddened that our time together was over so quickly, so suddenly, and without any warning.Paul and I rode on, but I was feeling a bit melancholy.

The miles rolling steadily under our wheels cured me of my melancholy, slowly but surely like an old-time tonic. I like to see old friends, and you actually see people you remember. Jon's Crew, a group of people who ride in remembrance of their friend, were there again this year. On one significant hill (are you getting a picture of the course, or do I need to emphasize that there were hills on it?), I pulled a BUTNZ! out of my jersey and held it up, so the people cheering at the top of the hill could see that I was going to toss it. As I did so, one of the guys yelled, "Are you Team Fish?"
"YES!" I said as I tossed the BUTNZ! and rode past, wondering how the heck he could know who we were.
"We have five of your BUTNZ!", he shouted as I rode on. He had come out with his family every year I have ridden, and because they are alone at the top of a really hard hill, shouting, cheering and ringing cowbells, they really stood out. So year after year, I tossed them BUTNZ!. Very cool! He actually has a Team Fish rookie BUTNZ!

I came up along another rider and we got to talking. He was riding on a bike clearly marked with IronMan stickers, and I thought that was pretty cool. His name was Steve, and it turns out he was not an IronMan. He was riding in memory of his father-in-law, Ira, who was a seven-time IronMan. The family had taken to calling him "Ira"nMan, and it was a joke they thought was pretty funny. Ira passed away suddenly from a heart attack this year, and Steve and the family were looking for a way to honor him, when they saw the LiveSTRONG Challenge. They realized this was exactly the type of challenge Ira would have loved -- physically demanding and also finding a way to give back. I thanked him for coming out, and choosing the Challenge to remember Ira.

We separated and I saw another guy riding alone, pedalled up and introduced myself. He asked about my dignosis and I told him my story, then he told me about his friend, the smartest guy he ever knew. They were in high school together, and had stayed friends over the years. Sadly, his friend was claimed by brain cancer, leaving behind his wife and two kids, aged 4 and 8. As he told me about it, he choked up, and it was clear how fresh all of this was, how unresolved his emotions were, but he said he and his friends were coming together in meaningful ways to help the family, and to honor their friend. It amazes me how much stronger this disease makes us, and also those who are left behind. It's one of the reasons I think we are going to beat this disease someday. Instead of despair, cancer awakens something within us, those who fight the disease and win, and those who are left behind after someone passes. It teaches who we are and what we are capable of, and it is simply astounding.

Paul and I rounded a turn, and I told him the next hill was going to be challenging, emphasizing the word in such a way as to let him know that, perhaps, those last 30+ miles of hills weren't in the same arena as this one. I remember this hill. As we started to climb, I actually started feeling better. My legs were under me and I rode up the hill, passing people as I went. I looked back and saw Paul was doing pretty well on the hill as well. I could tell it was putting "the hurt"on him, but he was powering through, slow and steady, grinding out the pavement.

We got to the top, and it was again decision time. Left for 70 miles or straight for 100 miles. Amazingly, we had made the cutoff time. Wisdom is the better part of valor, and we actually opted for the 70 mile course. I didn't feel defeated. I didn't feel disappointed. Seventy was my initial goal, and I was sticking to it. Paul was totally on board, so we would ride the second half of the Challenge together, all the way to the finish.

We rode down chip sealed roads (a nightmare), potholed roads (even worse) and silky smooth asphalt (the old hyms talk of Heaven's roads being paved with gold, but I know it's going to be a fresh coat of asphalt), arriving at the next rest area, which I remember as "The Worst Rest Stop in the World". I think it was the first year I did the Challenge. I stopped here and the volunteers seemed disinterested, there was very little to eat, and there was nothing going on. This is Sparta. Or, at best, Sparta-like.Even more disappointing, this stop is at a Fire Station, and I was riding in memory of a friend's son, a fireman who was killed tragically in a car crash. I couldn't help but think about how disappointed Donnie, the young man who was killed, would have been, and how different it would have been had he been in charge of things here. Fast-forward to this year, and I have to think Donnie's spirit informed the organizers of their shortcomings in this area, because there was an immediate change in feel to the stop. As soon as we pulled in, there was a six-year old kid running up and giving all of the riders high fives and congratulating them for getting this far.
"Were you in the Tour de France?" He kept asking all of the riders as this question as they pulled in, and they, of course, said, "No, no. Not me."
Until I got there.
"Yes," I said. I was! And it was awesome! Did you see me?"
"Yeah. You were on TV!"
"You're right! That was me! Thanks so much for all of your help. I really appreciate it, buddy! Here's a BUTNZ!"
He was overjoyed. I was too. It was a beautiful moment, and one I will cherish for a long time.

Paul and I saddled up and pedaled out of the stop. I felt really good.

LiveSTRONG 2012 Ride Report -- Part IV

And so, we were off. Like a herd of turtles. The first chute out of the parking lot is a slow affair, but I am fine with that because low-speed crashes rarely cause major damage. Patfish, Paul and I rode out together, onto the streets of Montgomery County. There is a moment where, as you start out, you want to do the entire ride as quickly as possible. You can always tell the first-timers by their enthusiasm and how quickly they go out of the gates. As an experienced rider, I remembered to hold back a little and just ride at a steady, somewhat restrained pace.

The first couple of miles are surprisingly difficult. Your body needs to remember how to ride, and until that happens, you actually feel winded. It's a little disconcerting, to be sucking for oxygen in the first couple of miles, but I have been to this rodeo before. My body started to settle in, and Pat and Paul and I fell into a nice, easy cadence.

The weather was absolutely beautiful. In fact, I was actually a little chilled for the first couple of miles, and unusual feeling for the LiveSTRONG event. The first couple of years I did it, the weather went to triple digits, with what had to be more than 90% humidity. We have also ridden in lightning storms, windy conditions, and a torrential downpour that caused a crash in the hills. By contrast, it was slated to be in the mid-70s, and I was ecstatic. This was, hands-down, the best weather we have EVER had.

The course starts with a series of rolling hills and we rolled up and down those hills. We talked about Paul's huge transformation from pudgy, out of shape guy to marathon-running, healthy-eating, clean living dad. We talked about Pat's kids, the coolest twins on the planet. It was good to reconnect with them in this venue. One of the things I realized last year was just how lonely the training regimen is for LiveSTRONG. There are a lot of empty miles on the road, getting into shape for an event of this magnitude. This year, I didn't train nearly as hard, and I was using this easy time at the beginning of the ride to decide whether to ride the 45 mile course or the 70 mile course. I knew I would pay for it on the ride (and especially AFTER the ride, if I went for the longer ride).

The way it's laid out, you get to checkpoints and you can decide how you feel, and if you want to go left for the shorter course or right for the longer course. Additionally, each time you take the longer course, it also gets progressively harder with longer and steeper climbs. Paul was asking me about the 100 mile course, and I was thinking about how best to temper some of that enthusiasm, so I explained the course options and then simply told him to take a wait and see attitutde at each of the checkpoints.

We got to the first refueling station and I needed to get water and Gatorade. In my haste to get everything squared away at the beginning of the ride, I hadn't made the time to fill my bottles. Still, I knew there was a station in the first fifteen miles and that I could borrow from Pat or Paul if I got into trouble. I did not need to do that, so I quickly got my liquids squared away, grabbed a banana and a peanut butter sandwich, and we got back on the bike. My experience has taught me to eat early in the event, because it's harder to eat as the day goes on. The banana has potassium which helps prevent cramps later on, so I made sure to eat that.

As always, the volunteers were AWESOME! It takes hundreds of people to put on an event like this, and the simple act of cutting bananas, making sandwiches and mixing Gatorade has not gone unnoticed. I always make a point of thanking the volunteers, because their support is so critical to this event.

Another on of my favorite things is the spectators that come out to cheer on the riders. They are so enthusiastic, and it is simply contagious. Even better is when an entire family comes out to cheer us on. My buddy Kurt makes BUTNZ! (check him out at www.butnz.com) with the Team Fish logo and we toss them out along the course. The volunteers love them, and Pat, Paul and I also make a point of tossing them to the kids. 

Off we went, riding forward. Always forward. I like to ask other riders what brings them to the event. At one point, I met up with Dave, a two-year colon cancer survivor. We talked about our experience and he asked my how I knew I had cancer. I told him my story, how the doctor had found a lump after I had told him I was having some pain. I thought it was simply due to riding too much, but then I found that was not the case and my whole life changed. He told me how he felt that he was not urinating properly, that something just seemed "off" and so he decided to go see his doctor. It probably saved his life. He is my age, so routine checkups were still five years away. It would have been too late. We lamented how men in particular seem to be reluctant to go to the doctor when things seem wrong. He talked about how many men he has talked into going to see the doctor.

If something seems OFF, GO SEE A DOCTOR. Please!

LiveSTRONG 2012 Ride Report -- Part III

We assembled in a multi-colored sea of spandex, covering the parking lot. Honestly, I don't see this many fit people all year, and to see them in one place, for one cause, is incredibly humbling (I'm not as fit as most of the people there) and inspiring (I COULD be as fit as them). And, if you're a bike fan, it's doubly cool. The colors of the skittle-explosion Colnago, deep blue Trek Madones (I hear Trek makes good bikes), orange marmalade Orbeas, Celeste (my Lownje friends know it as seafoam) Bianchis, and even the irony of a blue LeMonde (he was the American cyclist who initially accused Lance of doping). All of them were assembled to fight cancer and to ride with a legend and a hero.

Lance Armstrong is a tool. There. I said it. It doesn't feel good to say it. But I said it. Allow me to explain. At the start of the ride, Lance always takes a few moments to address the crowd. It's always been one of the highlights of the event for me. As a cyclist and cancer survivor, I get to hear a guy who overcame cancer to win, arguably, the hardest bike race in the world. Seven Times. Consecutively.

So when that happens, I expect to hear something special. After all, I am standing with more than 3,000 people who have given their time, their energy, their resources, and their money to raise $1.7 million and be part of an event that bears, in part, the name of this miraculous person. And then he tells us, "I was going to ride the 100 miles with you, but I got tied up with a wedding party in the hotel last night, and, well, that's a different story."

Allow me to translate: "I stayed out too late last night, I got way too drunk, and now I am really just a little too hungover to ride the full 100 miles." Philadelphia is no bump in the road for this event. It's the most important fundraising city in the LiveSTRONG tour of events. And I wonder if there are corporate people who pay even more to be part of that ride. Lance would know. Or should know.

And so, Lance, I'd like to take a brief moment to give you a little advice. I am going to give you 1.7 million reasons why you might NOT want to do something so stupid, ever again. Because when you say something like that, what you're saying is that those people who showed up to ride in your event really aren't as important as the enjoyment you were feeling in that moment, the hedonistic pleasures of crashing a wedding. And that's really not a good idea. For 1.7 million reasons. Seriously.

I think it's important to say this doesn't change my thoughts about doing this ride. I will always raise money to fight cancer because I had cancer, and now I don't and the reason is that people raised money to fund research so I could be here today. But, it does change my thoughts about how I think Lance thinks about those who come out to the event. Or, more accurately, it gives a little insight into how he might NOT think about those people. And that's a mistake. Because that's what a tool would do.

There. Now that's out of the way.

The start of the ride is settled into three large groups -- those riding 100 miles, those riding 45 miles and those riding 20 miles or less. Paul (he really needs a Fish name) and Pat and I started in the 100 mile group. It's something we have done since the very first Ride. Initially, it was because we were shooting to do 100 miles, but I quickly realized it's also the group that starts first, so you actually get out ahead of the other groups. This gives you a little more room, and a little more time. Which is important because there are 3,000 other people looking for room.

True to form, people were crashing right at the beginning of the ride. I imagine that it's pretty embarrassing to crash before you even reach the start line. So Pat, Paul and I stayed back to keep our bikes and dignity (relatively speaking) intact. As we approached the start line, the announcer was commenting on the riders. I rode right next to him and yealled, "Team Fish!!!" and he announced our team as we started out on the journey, to the clickity, clickity clack of spinning chains and shifting gears.

LiveSTRONG 2012 Ride Report -- Part II

I am an early riser by nature. It has been that way for so long I honestly can't remember the last time I slept in. So, it was no surprise when I woke up feeling pretty well-rested at 5.30 am. I laid in bed in that beautiful fugue state between sleep and wakefulness, contemplating the day ahead. I have a friend, Steve, who says he prays in the morning and he pictures God going before him to prepare those places. It's a simple and beautiful prayer, and one I used that morning.

Fortunately, I did not go back to sleep, because my wakeup call never came. I wandered next door to bang on Patfish's door, and it's a good thing I did that, too, because his alarm clock failed to go off. We saddled up our gear, loaded our car and went to the lobby as they had free breakfast. In talking with Jessie the day before, she said breakfast might be a problem at that hour but there would still be bagels, cereal and the like. Patfish and I found the bagels and helped ourselves. Oddly, there was nothing to grab them with, so I just reached in a nd grabbed one, careful not to grab any others.

"Hey," came a voice behind us. "You can't grab those bagels!" Someone was clearly upset.
"What," I replied.
"You can't just grab those bagels! Breakfast doesn't start until 7 o'clock"
"I'll be gone by then."
"And you're supposed to use the tongs!"
"There were no tongs."
"That's because we don't set them out until 7 o'clock."
All I could say was, "Really?"
"Yes, really. You can't help yourself, you need to make special arrangements with the front desk if you want early breakfast."
"Ummmmm. I did."
She harumphed and glared at me. Yes, she glared at me. And Patfish.
And then I thought, "What are they going to do, kick me out?"
"Thanks for the bagels" I said, smiled and left.

Getting to the event is supposed to be easy. And it would have been, except for two critical facts. First, I was following Patfish and he wasn't sure where we were going. Second, I need coffee in the morning. Non-coffee drinkers will never, ever, no matter how desperately you implore them, understand this need. Patfish is not a coffee drinker. So, when I say, I need "coffee" I think, inherent in that fact, is the understanding that if I don't get said coffee, bad things will happen. To me or to you. When I realized we were lost AND there was a chance I would NOT get coffee, I took charge. I pulled him over, took the lead and went on my quest for coffee. Fortunately, we quickly found coffee (Dunkin' Donuts, FTW!) and DeKalb Pike, which leads straight to the ride site. Winning.

My buddy, Paul, had driven down to meet us. He had texted (the wonders of technology - how did we do these things before cell phones?) that he was there and we quickly found each other in the bike corral.

Team Fish had assembled for the Sixth Annual Team Fish LiveSTRONG Ride (It's NOT a Race!).

LiveSTRONG 2012 Ride Report -- Part I

I just finished my sixth LiveSTRONG Event. Each year, it coincides, roughly, with the anniversary of my diagnosis with testicular cancer. I am one of the lucky ones. I am a survivor. So I get to live my life, and part of my role as a survivor has been wrapped up helping to fight this horrible disease. I choose to raise money for the LiveSTRONG Foundation (www.laf.org) and ride my bicycle as far as I can. So I trucked down to Philadelphia on Saturday to pick up my race packet and get the goods for Team Fish.


One of the most important things I do every year is take a list of the names of those affected by cancer, the people my supporters have asked me to remember on this day. I add those names to the Wall of Remembrance. Every year, the list gets a little longer. Still, it seemed I noticed more people who are fighting and winning this year.

People sometimes ask me about where the money goes and if does any good. Less than 50 years ago, what I had was considered a death sentence. Now, it has a 95% survival rate. Look at the statistics of colon cancer, breast cancer and so many others, and you'll see a similar trend. According to one study in 1997, one in 4 patients survived cancer in the 1940s. Just two decades later, that figure jumped to one in three. Today, we are at more than 50% survival rates. And, those with the disease are experiencing an improved quality of life while under treatment; surgery is less radical; and even chemotherapy is producing fewer side effects. We are learning about this disease, and because we are learning, we are winning. It's one of the basic tenets of the LAF: Knowledge is Power.

After posting the names of those friends and family members, I registered for my team. Fortunately, I got there right under the wire. As always, the volunteers were friendly and AWESOME! I love the volunteers at the LiveSTRONG event and realize just how integral they are to the success of the event. Nadia and Amanda took quick care of me, got my registration packets together and I was off to the hotel.

 I stayed in a completely different place this year. For the first four years, I went down to the area and stayed with my mother-in-law. Last year she got sick, so I stayed in a hotel right next to where she was staying so I could stop in and say hello. Sadly, she passed away this year, so I stayed at a Hilton Homewood Suites a little closer to the event. Jessie, the girl behind the desk, checked me in and I was set.

My brother, "Patfish Hunter", showed up close to dinnertime. Pat has ridden with me in ALL SIX EVENTS and I am so glad to have him ride with me. We went out to carbo-load for dinner at Boca, a nice Italian Restaurant with good food and exceptionally slow service. Note to Italian restaurants: add extra staff on LiveSTRONG weekend. Just sayin'.

Coming back to the hotel, we settled in to watch Stars Earn Stripes (which was surprisingly excellent) and then called it a night. I set up my wake-up call for 6.00 am and then settled in for a remarkably deep and comfortable night's sleep. I don't usually sleep well on the road, so this was a great exception.

ZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..........

iPAD Case by Portenzo

I got an iPad2 for my birthday/Christmas present this year, and plan to use it for business (it's a GREAT tool for salespeople) as well as fun. Then I began the search for a case to wrap around it. I am, by nature, a person who researches things to find exactly what I want before I buy it. I read multiple online reviews of just about pretty much every case you could buy for the iPAD until I found the Portenzo, the reviews of which were very nearly unanimously positive.

So, I decided to investigate a little deeper. I had several questions so I contacted Darin, the guy who runs Portenzo. Yes, the owner of the company answers his own e-mail. His responses were quick and thorough, and I felt I could proceed with confidence. Let me tell you why I decided to buy from Darin.

In comparisons, the Portenzo was a little more expensive than the mass-produced Made in China models I saw everywhere, but not by much, honestly. The Portenzo case is hand made, to order, and you can choose the outside cover color and material as well as the inside colors and materials. It's also made in America. Seriously. When was the last time you were even ABLE to buy something handmade in America?

Second, there is something artistic about Portenzo cases. The case is made in the style of a Moleskine notebook (Dodo Cases are similar, but reviews were sketchy on how well they hold up), which I have always found to be classy and elegant, and also serves to disguise the computer to help prevent theft. Quite simply, it is beautiful. The leather is luxurious, the inside fabric is vibrant (I ordered the blue) and it is unique in its iPad presentation.


Last, the details are just a little more thought out (a stylus holder) and the attention to detail is almost perfect. The strap on my case covers the camera on the back, providing one more level of protection). The only quibble I have, and it's a small one, is that the volume controls are hard to adjust.

Like I said, you may pay a little more for a Portenzo case. But what you will receive is a well designed, well thought out, well constructed, Made in America work of beauty. Check it at www.portenzo.com

Feeding the Homeless - Not What I Expected

Mrs. Fish and I went out on Friday night last week to feed the homeless. There is a local Mission in Harrisburg, where young men and women can stay to get back on their feet. They have a van to reach those people who don't want to stay at the Mission and it carries hot food out to the homeless throughout the city. They need volunteers to help man the van so we signed up with another woman from our church.

I honestly didn't know what to expect. The van leaves at about 8pm drives to places where the homeless congregate, with about 10 stops throughout the night, across the city. At each stop, Mrs. Fish and another volunteer passed out blankets and clothes, including gloves, socks, underwear and sweaters. There was sometimes a rush, and sometimes scuffling, but they did well to keep things going smoothly. It was cold out, but not frigid/freezing, but that weather is surely coming and the warm supplies will be more and more important.

When we stopped, I jumped in the back of the van and grabbed the soup crates and set up a mini mobile serving area. I then started passing out toiletries including razors, shaving cream, soap, wash cloths. Then, I got on the soup ladle to pass out hot soup and pour hot coffee. On a night like that, it was very much appreciated. All of this set up and activity also gave me a chance to talk to the people as they came up, to hear their stories. It was humbling.

Carl, the Mobile Mission leader, has a rapport with the people of the city and a knowledge of where they are. It's weird, I have worked in the city for 15 years and never really saw the places he took us to. I mean, I had been past them, but I didn't see them as places where people lived, as homeless communities. I've never been one to turn away from the homeless, but I know I never sought them out, either.

I thought this trip would be depressing, but it wasn't so. I talked with the men and women and heard their stories. There is a camaraderie and community among the people, a sense of looking out for their common welfare. I'm not saying it was easy, just that it wasn't sad, like I think I was expecting it to be. In the end, I came to recognize a quiet, simple dignity that I wasn't expecting, and their kindness and generosity to me and to one another was uplifting.

We got home to our warm house about 1am and I was so grateful for what I have - family,, friends, clothing, a warm house. I definitely think I will do this trip more often.

Happy Anniversary - 18 Years

Today Mrs. Fish and I celebrate 18 years. I honestly couldn't imagine doing this crazy trip with anyone else. We are raising an amazing daughter, continuing to grow and learn together, and we are still friends after all these years. I am a blessed man, to be certain.

What I've learned:
1) Be friends - We've had ups and they're AWESOME. When things get tough, we needed something to fall back on. I fall back on the fact that we were friends first, and that friendship was based on mutual respect.

2) Be lovers - Kids, jobs, family, bills, all have a way of draining the love from a marriage. If we don't fill that bucket, things go south. It doesn't have to be big extravagant over-the-top declarations or acts of love, but if we don't set aside that time, look out. And, when we do, even when we think we're too tired, too distracted, too ___________, our marriage gets better.

3) Talk about money - even when we didn't have any, we still talked about it. I think there is very little that will rip a marriage apart as quickly as being on different pages about money. I'm still learning how to do it, but some of the best conversations and best moments of closeness I have had with Mrs. Fish have been over conversations around money.

4) Grow. I have grown with my wife and without her. I want to keep on learning new things, and I think that has made me a better husband. I am learning about my health, writing and art. She learns about music (something I know hopelessly little about), books (she reads a TON of books), and fashion.

5) Know your purpose. I have a strong faith and it's been deepened over the years. It hasn't always been easy, and God has called me to some challenging places. Mrs. Fish wasn't always as faith-focused as I, but she has supported me through that walk, even when she didn't understand or necessarily agree with it. God continues to work on us, and also through us, because I have trusted that He has a purpose for me. Mrs. Fish's faith has deepened and expanded because I have stayed true to that focus over the years, and God is rewarding it with new challenges and opportunities. That grounding, that sense of purpose, has been my rudder through marriage, raising a now 13 year-old daughter in today's society, cancer, conflict, friendships and the challenges we have faced together.

I'm not saying we have it figured out, just my observations of what has worked for us over the past 18 years.

Stuttering

Many of you know that Li'l Fish, my 13 year-old daughter stutters and has done so since shortly after she began speaking. It has rarely slowed her down, to the point where she is now actively participating in the National Stuttering Association (NSA) and even gave a Keynote speech to nearly 600 people at their annual conference two years ago.

Through the course of all of this, we have met some AMAZING people who stutter. One of them is Philip, a remarkable young man who has a lot to say. He's in a college class where the teacher would prefer he didn't. His story just made the New York Times. You can read the story by CLICKING HERE.

The central message of the NSA is this: If you stutter, you are not alone. I just wanted to pass this along, because so often people who stutter suffer in silence and never find their voices. My daughter, and Philip, have been empowered to find their voices, and to USE them, through the NSA. You can find out more about the NSA at www.WeStutter.org

Mr. Fix-it

I had my article posted in Family Voices, the official magazine of the National Stuttering Association! Very cool!

We're dads. We're programmed to fix things. It's irrevocably built into our DNA, more than our love or hatred of the designated hitter, our desire for an engine with more horsepower, our need to get rid of ALL of the crabgrass our lawns, or even the quest for the perfect barbeque technique (HINT: it's timing - don't turn things more than once). So what does a dad do when presented with a kid who is "broken"? These tiny little beings don't come with an instruction manual, and not having a manual is so much worse than those multi-lingual, poorly drawn pamphlets that inevitably come with our Summer weekend do-it-yourself projects. At least with those instructions, some of the Swedish words bear a faint resemblance to English and you can almost, if you squint, make out where the thingamajig screws into the whatsit.

So you can imagine my confusion when my daughter, Katie, began stuttering around age 3. Surely there must be a manual for this. There has to be a way to fix it, right? My wife, Joan, and I jumped on the Internet and began looking around. Fortunately, we quickly found the source of the problem. Unfortunately, according to the all-knowing 21st Century oracle, the problem was us. We talked too fast. and we talked over each other. And we talked a lot. If we just slowed down, listened, had long pauses where Katie could interject, her stuttering would go away. "Well, that was easy" I said to Joan. Surely this Jersey-born guy and his Philadelphia-born wife could speak slowly. Even if we were both raised in gift-of-the-gab Irish families. You know, the type of family where conversation was equal parts Formula I racing, fencing match and blood sport. We can so do this, I thought. So Joan and I slooooowed down (This took more than one try. A lot more than one try). Only, Katie kept right on bumping away.

Well, there was still no manual available, so we took the next logical step. We went to an expert, in this case our doctor. Surely, the doctor would be able to tell us what was wrong and then we could set about the task of fixing it. Once again, we found the source of the problem, and we were told that it was...us. We were putting too much pressure on Katie. We were too demanding. If we could just relax about EVERYTHING, Katie would be just fine. This was nothing to worry about and it would just fade away if we could just relax. Have you ever tried to relax, knowing that something depended on your relaxing? That one did not come easily to any of us, but we managed to be MORE relaxed and that was going to have to be enough. But still, Katie stuttered.

So surely, I thought, there must be some sort of expert who specializes in this sort of thing. It was then we found the National Stuttering Association and I felt like Galahad finding the Grail. Surely these knowledgeable professionals with their years of training and experience would be able to cure my daughter. So we packed the family up and headed out to the NSA's annual conference in Atlanta. I was wondering, on the ride down there, just how long it would take to fix Katie, to cure her of this malady.

That was more than five years ago, and Katie still stutters. What I learned in that first Conference, and what I am reminded of each year I go, was that she didn't need to be fixed because she wasn't broken. Like the kids, teens and adults I met at the conference, Katie is smart, funny, beautiful and talented. What is broken, what needs to be fixed, I am learning, is a society that treats people who stutter as less than what they are. And so, I am going to acknowledge the nature of my DNA, that the need to fix things is an integral part of that, and I am going to set about changing this society to a place where my daughter's voice can be heard, because she has a lot to say.

LiveSTRONG Ride for Five: Part III

You are riding hard now, trying to make the cutoff. You can feel the lactic acid building up in your legs, particularly on the hills. You remember your friend Kurt saying the world is flat when you're in a car. Not so much when you're on a bike. You're breathing a little heavier now, too, but you still labor onward, and also upward. You're in some bigger hills now, and trying to remember where the cutoff is, how far you still have to go, and you're trying to do the math in your head. Your head which has begun to ache. Badly.

You felt it coming on at the last rest stop and asked at the first aid station if they had Tylenol or ibuprofen. All they had was aspirin, and you're pretty sure it's just in case someone has a heart attack. You are not going to have a heart attack. But you're starting to feel like this headache could kill you. How does one run an event like LiveSTRONG and not have ibuprofen or Tylenol? You remember from previous years there is a rest area just past the cutoff area, and if you make it, you might be able to find some relief. You pedal harder.

You find yourself looking at the clock. It is past 10.00 now. If they've moved the cutoff up, you won't be able to ride the 100 mile course for the second year in a row. You look at the sky and while there are clouds in the sky, there is certainly no sign of threatening weather. You take some solace in this fact and get out of the saddle for a bit to change your position on the saddle. It feels good to pedal from a standing position for a while. Then you see the cutoff area. You pedal up, hopeful.

You see hordes of riders being directed to the left. The 70 mile course. It occurs to you exactly what has happened. They have closed the 100 mile course. Again. It is 10.13. You're somewhat perplexed because the skies look fine. There have been some light sprinkles, but nothing worthy of rerouting. You are disappointed. Many of the people surrounding you are bitter. And angry. And vocal. A couple of riders go through the rerout, with the understanding they will be alone, unsupported, on the course. You think about it for ten seconds and then think better of it. You turn to the 70 mile course and pedal away from the complaining. Your head is still pounding.

A guy pedals up next to you and strikes up a conversation. He starts complaining about the 100 mile course being closed and you bite down on your tongue until you taste blood. After a couple minutes of this, the man reads your silence, then says cheerfully, "But it's not really why we're out here today, is it?" A glimmer of hope lights on your ride and you start to talk easily with this guy, whose name is Vinnie, from New Jersey. Two years ago, he had a rash and it was really bugging him and his girlfriend was nagging him and nagging him to go see a dermatologist. Finally, he relented, to get her to stop whining (the irony was not lost on me at this point) and he went to the doctor. The doctor took one look at the rash and said, "That doesn't concern me, but this mole, this mole, and that mole do. We're going to cut them out, today." So they cut out his moles and they tested positive for melanoma. A silly rash and his girlfriend's badgering had saved his life. Now he tells people that if things don't seem right, they should go see a doctor. It's the same thing that saved your life five years ago. It's the same you've been preaching ever since.

You pull into a rest area and say goodbye to Vinnie from New Jersey and you're glad you were able to share stories. Now, you need Tylenol. You locate the first aid station and mercifully they have some. The guy asks if you want three or four. Two will be loads, you assure him. He is surprised. You are surprised that people would take more than 2. You toss them in your mouth and knock them back dry. Relief is on its way.

Sean and Jennifer pull in and now the remaining Team Fish riders are all together. You leave together and talk lightly, focusing on the riding. Sean decides to stop and take pictures, so you and Jennifer ride on. Jennifer is a strong rider and your pace matches each other well. The miles flow beneath you as you talk of her three children, how different they are, how precious they are to her. You think about your own Li'l Fish and how much you love her, how the fight you had five years ago almost took so much from you. You realize again she won't be at the finish line for the first time this year, that she and Mrs. Fish are home getting ready for school and a Selena Gomez concert. You miss them immensely, but you know the love you have for them will bridge the miles.

Overall, you are feeling solid, and your headache is gone. Your commitment to eat when you can, even if you have to force it a bit, has served you well. The switch from Gatorade to a more complete drink, Heed, this year has kept the cramps at bay and you feel energetic. You are in good shape. You enter the last miles and the rolling hills. You realize you are almost finished, and as with last year, you are surprised at how quickly this has happened with the 30 fewer miles. You pull over to TXT Mrs. Fish and Li'l Fish, then head for the finish line, tell them how much you love them.

The finish line is divided to the left for riders and to the right for survivors. When you finish down the chute, people are going nuts and screaming for you when they realize you are a survivor. It's all a little much and you feel the tears come again, for the five more years you have had to fight this awful disease. For the five more years you have had to live your life. For the five more years you had had to spend with your friends, and to see your brother become a father. And most of all for the five more years you have had to love your wife and hold your daughter. The Ride for FIVE is over, and you look to the skies and thank your God for FIVE more years.

LiveSTRONG: Ride for FIVE Part II

You ride easily over the starting area. The first ten miles are lightly rolling hills, and you can feel your legs, the power in them that you've built over this season's training. You trained hard this year, and it is paying off already. You realize you've forgotten only one thing, but it could be major. You're a redhead and you've forgotten sunscreen. It's still early, so the sun is barely up, and you're relatively sure they'll have sunscreen at the first rest stop. You choose not to worry about it just yet. One of the things you have learned is that the people who do well in this event are adaptable and tend not to panic. Check and check.

At the first rest stop, you drop off to get sunscreen and they do indeed have some. And, of course, the booth is manned by a redhead, who immediately sets about scolding me for not having any on. "Don't forget you're ears," she says to you. She realizes your mother is not hear to make sure you get them. On the whole, Lance's sunscreen is awful. It never, ever soaks into the skin. It just lays on your arms, legs and face with a pale white covering. You quip to the volunteer that it's a good thing this is not a beauty contest. On the plus side, for the remainder of the day, you will not need to reapply a single time. It is both wonderful and terrible.

The first stop is also an opportunity to regroup. Your friend George is hurting, can't get the legs under him for the ride. He can't figure out what it is, and you're equally confounded, as you know he has done some decent riding in preparation for this event. He is hurting to the point where he decides to cutoff at 20 miles, the legs simply unable to do what his mind and spirit are trying to will them to do. You remain puzzled for the rest of the day about exactly what just happened.

You catch up to your brother, Pat, and ride with him for a while, talking about his one-year-old twins and the joys and terrors and general sleeplessness of parenthood at that age. It's a juggling act, and you remember back to when your own daughter was that age. It was so long ago, before cancer, actually,. Sometimes you divide your life into pieces like this, before and after cancer. Most of the time, though, you're just grateful there is an after cancer, so you can ride with your brother and talk about his kids.

At the 45 mile cutoff, your takes a left and heads for home, for his children, while you stand up and rise to the next hill. Jennifer and Sean are up ahead somewhere, and you're confident you'll see them soon. You pedal a bit harder now, the 10.00 cutoff looming in your head. You still find time to toss BUTNZ! to the people who have come out to support the ride, especially the kids, waving like maniacs and cheering us all on. And, the cowbell people, who support you every year with their encouragement.

You speak with survivors who are riding with you. Like Tracy, the four year survivor of Ewings Sarcoma, a cancer that attacks the tissue and bone of your body. You speak with Ron who tells you he is a testicular cancer survivor. You ask him, "Did you lose Lefty or Righty?" He is taken aback until you explain you lost Lefty and he says, "I lost Righty, so I guess between us we make a whole man." You say simply, "I suspect together we make a great deal more than that" and he nods in tacit agreement. There is Carl, a runner who got the biking bug and now rides in events like this because he is in love with cycling. He wears the Navy jersey in support of his brother, who is in San Diego on active duty, and he talks about how much he misses him because they were always so close.

You also see people you know from previous rides. Jon's Crew rides in memory of Jonathan a young man who passed away. You see Jim, who fought with you through the last stages of last year's ride, over the last hills through driving rain, each of you encouraging the other. He has added another year under his brain cancer survivorship belt.

On and on it goes, thousands of people on a single road, pedalling to fight cancer because of these stories. Eventually, you catch up with Sean and Jenny, and you start focusing on making the cutoff. It's going to be close. Sean pulls for you for a bit, then tells you just to GO FISH GO! You race ahead to try to make the cutoff so they will let you ride the 100 mile course.

LiveSTRONG: Ride for FIVE Part I

Your alarm goes off at 5:15 am. Every year you think you're prepared for just how early this is, but you never are. In situations like this, you have two go-to songs: the Triathlon Song...

...or the one by Mark Knopfler for which you can never find a video. You choose Knopfler. Your body has some creaks that you're certain weren't there last year, perhaps weren't even there yesterday, but still you rise. Quickly, you don the gear you have laid out the night before, everything designed to streamline the process and get you out the door more quickly. You have a mission, and you cannot be late. This is your focus, now.

Your jersey is the seafoam aqua of The Lounge, an inside joke for many of the cyclists you know, emblazoned with the code that is both an impetus for humor and an odd badge of welcoming. You double check your shoes and your helmet, because you realize without these, you won't be allowed to ride. Quickly, you pack up the sleeping bag, the air mattress, your belongings are tossed in a knapsack with the LiveSTRONG logo. It's a gift awarded for the fundraising you did last year, for the efforts of your friends and family and a host of people who care about you and hate cancer. Many of them you have never met, but you will spend all day thinking about them. But not now. You are packed up and ready to go. It is 5:30.


You walk out to your car, make sure your bicycle is secured on the back of the car and drive out of the garage, probably for the last time. You think of your mother-in-law and the kindness she has shown you in allowing you to crash at her place for the past 5 years. You say a prayer for her that God watches over her.

You stop at the Dunkin' Donuts on the way out, another tradition for the past five years. The coffee cannot come soon enough, and you also order a bagel with ham and egg. You know it's going to taste awful, but you also need the calories. The coffee is the first sign of hope you have had today, black and perfect. There is hardly any traffic at all and you get to the event venue ahead of schedule. Your friend George is already there and you get texts from the rest of the team they will be there quickly.
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You speak easily with George, you've known him for almost ten years now. He's a good man, and a good father, and always trying to be better at both, so you recognize in him a kindred spirit, as you also did when you first met him. Your friend Jenny shows up, and it's good to see her again. You have seen her for nearly two years, you guess, when you ran in a race to celebrate her brother, Tony, who died of colon cancer. Your sure she's thinking of him now, and you say a silent prayer for her as well. Your brother Pat joins the Team Fish group, the illustrious Patfish Hunter who has ridden every LiveSTRONG with you. You're glad the tradition continues, and you're glad his coworker Sean has joined you yet again. Team Fish is now together and assembled.

You pedal down to the start line and you think about the Team Fish people who are not there this year. Family commitments have kept Kurt and Randy out this year, as well as a host of others who had "maybe" circled for this date. You're hoping they'll be with you again next year, then you turn to face the sea of bicycles and the task before you.

You secretly curse the idiots who set up the announcing booth, with all of the speakers facing away from the cyclists. You're sure it makes sense to someone, but to you it sounds like that etacher in the Charlie Brown series who just goes on in a monotone, "WAH WAH WAH WAH WAHHHHHHHHHN..." It might be amusing in the Sunday comics, less so for an event like this. You can't hear a thing until music begins to play and thousands of bikers go silent. last year they had a jazz singer and this year an opera singer. Both times you were moved nearly to tears. You think of your friends Eric and Kurt and the rest of the people you know serving this country to keep you and your family safe. You recognize a feeling most people would call gratitude, but you recognize that only scratches the surface of the thanks you feel.

Normally, they run a pretty tight ship with regard to start times. This time it is handled poorly, and you actually start 20 minutes late. As you roll out, you catch people discussing the possibility of storms coming in. The normal cutoff time to ride the 100 mile course is to reach a certain checkpoint at 10.30. The organizers reserve the right, it is said, to redirect 100 mile riders onto the 70 mile course if they don't make the cutoff by 10.00. There is not a cloud in the sky, so you don't worry about this. You're happy to be riding, finally, with Team Fish. And off you go onto the course.

LiveSTRONG: Ride for FIVE Prologue

On Saturday, I arrived at the LiveSTRONG Expo center. It's an easy stop, and I walked through the various booths, checking out the scene en route to picking up the packets for Team Fish's riding cadre. This year was the most organized it has ever been, and the volunteers were, as they always are, anxious to help and incredibly friendly. I have been in a lot of events like this, and the volunteers are what make it, from the people staffing the tables to those guiding people as they arrive and those handling the parking lot. LiveSTRONG is very well organized in this respect, I have to say.

I passed out the first BUTNZ! to the two women who helped me gather the bags for Team Fish. Five bags is a lot of swag, so it was quite a bit to pull together, and they were so appreciative of the BUTNZ! It also led to conversations about team Fish and why I ride; which I thought was pretty cool. They were quick to congratulate me on 5 years as a survivor.

I also was able to visit at the Caring Bridge booth. Caring Bridge is an online website that enables people fighting cancer to keep in touch with friends and family about the ongoing treatments they are going through. It's a fantastic site that Collin, the 2 year-old boy who passed away from Lymphoma, used, and it was also the site my buddy Doug used to keep us apprised of his situation. I was able to plant a couple of flowers in the garden in their name.


This is the Trek Tent.

I visited the Trek Tent and was able to ask a question that has plagued this generation of cyclists like no other. While philosophers ponder whether existence or essence comes first and scientists wonder what the ideal number of wolves is to ensure survival of the species, our question is simpler, more esoteric, yet no less important. "Does Trek make good bikes?" I asked and was told, unequivocally by the representative from Trek, that they do indeed make good bikes. Very good bikes, in fact. I feel like I can sleep now, knowing that.

I always make it a point to visit the Wall where you can post the names of survivors and those who have passed. I made a point to include this year's Team Fish. In past years, this has always choked me up, and it still did, but it was different. This year feels more like a celebration for both those who have survived and for the memory of those who have passed. Based on the conversations I had with Team Fish, I know we carry them with us, and no matter how much we miss them, they are, in so many ways, still with us every day.

So, I packed up the Team Fish swag and schlepped it over to my friend George "The BUTNZ Czar" sister's house. She was kind enough to host us for dinner and I had a great time hanging out with George and his family. George and I also took a brief 15 miler just to keep the legs active. I was also grateful for the steak dinner, which was delicious! We swam for most of the night, and discussed economic philosophy, then I headed for my "home".

I stopped for some takeout Chinese food on the way back, as a friend had suggested not only carbo-loading but also aiming to increase my calorie count the night before. It was good advice because I always find it difficult to eat the morning of an event. I always stay with Mrs. Fish's mom (Gram Fish?) and this year was no exception. She has had some health issues and is in the process of moving into assisted living, but her apartment was still open, so I was free to crash there. I realized this would be the last year I would be able to stay here, and it brought on a melancholy I wasn't prepared for. I brought it back to the room, ate it, set my alarm for EARLY and hit the proverbial sack (in this case, an air mattress). I fell asleep immediately.

Wheels...

We are ready and I reached my personal goal of $2,500! Thank you to everyone who has chosen to be part of Team Fish!

Today is the Day!

It was FIVE years ago today. I went to see my doctor and mentioned to him that I had some pain and discomfort. So, we did a quick check and he let me know it was probably due to a lump and that lump was probably cancer. He was right on both counts. Today, five years later, I am blessed. I am a survivor.

My friend Bill, a survivor himself, talked to me early on about the responsibility we have when given the cancer diagnosis. There are two parts. The first is to fight every single moment of every single day until you're cured. Reminders come in strange places at unexpected times. I remember one time when, late in my radiation treatment, when I was feeling particularly tired and sick and more than a little weary, I had to go for yet another treatment. I was not looking forward to it. When I went in, I got to talking to a kid in the office waiting room and he was heading in for his chemo treatment. At 11, his burden seemed so much greater than mine, yet he was there and ready to go. Fight every moment of every day.

The second thing Bill talked about was the responsibility of the survivors. When you come out on the other side, you carry the light for those who are being diagnosed with this disease, to pass along the help, the inspiration, the courage, the knowledge of what it was that helped you become a survivor. I caught mine early. I had friends and family who supported me in amazing ways. I received incredible prayer support. I had amazing doctors and I live in the country with the most advanced healthcare system in the world. Beyond that, I had support from other people who had survived, who helped me understand what I was dealing with. They helped me understand doctors, become an advocate for myself, find information about the disease (I am one of those people who wants to know MORE, not less), access resources. Now, I find myself doing that for others, in the hopes that I can live out that part of Bill's vision.

It's also why I ride. In the past five years, with the formation of Team Fish or Cut Bait, we have now raised nearly $20,000 to fight cancer. This year, the Ride for FIVE was formed to commemorate my fifth anniversary as a survivor. My friend Alwyn, a two-time cancer survivor, calls it Carpe Diem Day, the day when he chose to seize control of his life and live it.

To Bill's two commands, I would add a third. Remember. Remember both those who have survived and touched our lives because they understand what it is to be a survivor, like Bill and Alwyn and Bev (who mentored me through so many ups and downs). And, remember those who have passed. As long as we remember their stories, their fight, their lives, and how they touched us, they didn't fight in vain. I choose to remember the good things they taught me, what they showed me of courage and humanity. I remember Bob's unyielding faith, how he felt not that he was passing this world so much as he was simply going home. And Terri's light, her humor and her smile, the way the whole world seemed better just because she was in it. I remember Collin's bravery and the joy of how much he loved his family, and was loved by them, and how that love continues to spread. I remember Lucy and how brightly she shone, if only for a moment, like the world could not contain that much for any longer than it did; but like the brightest shooting star, I can still see that light when I blink my eyes and think of her. And Beth, who brought so much love to every thing she did, and when she left, she made sure it stayed with the people she touched.

I promise to carry the light. I promise to fight. And, I promise to remember.

Team Fish: Ride for FIVE Update

Just a quick update. Team Fish is now INTERNATIONAL with contributions from England and Bulgaria! We have reached our rider total of FIVE riders with my friend Jennifer signing on! And, we are more than half way to our goal of $5,000. Absolutely awesome!

That being said, we still need your help! Won't you please consider supporting usa by clicking THIS LINK?

Thank you so much, everyone, for all of your support. Onward and upward!

Training Ride

I put in a training ride across the area today, packing in about 78 miles. All in all, I felt pretty good throughout the ride, though I got a little sore at the end. I saw a boatload of animals, including dairy cows out in force, an unusual preponderance of goldfinches (not sure what that's about; I've seen a LOT of them this year on my rides) and a heap of sheep. I also managed to pick up a hitchhiking praying mantis.


I've said before if you can ride in Pennsylvania, you can ride anywhere. I hit a lot of chipseal. In this area, they lay down a layer of oil, then spread chipped gravel on top of it. The chips stick to the oil and the passing of cars presses it into the existing asphalt. No. I am not making this up. The problem is that when they first lay it down, it is, as you might imagine, a complete mess. Not to mention the vibrations from the chips before they get pressed into a (semi) flat state.

Riding into Boiling Springs, a small town near me, I saw a bunch of cones and some people standing near them. I asked what was going on and it turned out there was a triathlon in town. So, I pedalled forward and ended up doing the course in reverse, cheering the competitors on as they went by. It was very cool to see their faces light up as I cheered for them.

Taking stock, I have two minor concerns. I am getting a a vibrating in my right elbow and I have a shooting pain, albeit manageable, down my left leg. I am thinking some ice and yoga should make a difference.

One last shot of my buddy - I see COWS!

Check them out: BUTNZ!

Check out this year's BUTNZ! They are AWESOMENESS!


Team Fish supporters get one for supporting Team Fish and the Ride for FIVE. And, wait until you see the rim stickers! Huge thanks to Kurt at www.BUTNZ.com for this again!

As always, you can support Team Fish in The Ride for FIVE by CLICKING HERE.

BUTNZ!

One of the cool things that happens with Team Fish is that my friend Kurt makes BUTNZ! for us. Last year's looked like this:

Kurt has been making BUTNZ for years, and they make a great toss out to people as we ride through the course. I also give them to the people who support the ride, and who support Team Fish. You can not believe how much BUTNZ! brighten someone's day.

Kurt has made BUTNZ! for us all five years. On my first ride, I met a woman named Diane who was undergoing chemo and had timed her treatments so she could ride LiveSTRONG. We rode for quite a while together, talking about surviving, and she was in that place where doctors weren't sure what kind of odds she had, but she was certainly sure. She just KNEW she was going to survive. I rode on, but not before I gave her a BUTNZ! and told her I would be praying for her. The tough thing about these rides is that you meet people and then you don't know what happens next, you aren't able to follow their stories.

The next year, my friend Kurt (a different Kurt, not the one who makes BUTNZ!) rode with Team Fish and, after the ride, was walking through the food tent. A couple sat down next to him and he struck up a conversation with them, then gave them a Team Fish BUTNZ! They asked about the significance of Team Fish, and Kurt went on to explain that it was kind of my rallying cry when things needed to change: It's time to either fish or cut bait. Well, there was a woman sitting behind them who overheard the conversation. "Did you say Team Fish," she asked. Kurt replied in the affirmative and the woman introduced herself as Diane. She had indeed made it through, and was, at that point, 8 months cancer free. Today, she would be approaching her five year anniversary.

BUTNZ! Kurt just mailed out this year's edition, and assured me they are going to AWESOME!!!! With Kurt, I have no doubt they are and I can't wait to see this year's BUTNZ! I cannot recommend his work or thank him enough for his kindness and support of Team Fish. If you want to know more about BUTNZ! or would like to order some for an event, you can find him at www.BUTNZ!.com.

You can Support Team Fish by CLICKING HERE!

Miles, Finally

I managed to get to the doctor today. After nearkly two weeks of feeling absolutely terrible, I was diagnosed with (drum roll please) the common cold. I was hoping for something a little more exotic, like Scarlet Fever, but it turns out I just have a cold. Oh well. The good news is that I feel like I am finally getting better.

In fact, I finally felt well enough to ride today. I put in almost 30 miles, but it was 101 degrees when I left the house at 6.30. Jeez! The ride was actually two very different rides. Heading out, I was just spinning and trying to get my legs under me. They were most decidedly not cooperating. With a combination of the heat, the layoff and the lingering sickness, I just found it very difficult to find any kind of rhythm.

At the turnaround, I took on a little fuel and cooled down with a bottle squirt over the head. As soon as I hit the pedals, I felt a difference. The legs were responding and I could feel the bounce in the pedals. It was back, and it felt good to be riding. I covered the return ride nearly 2 miles per hour faster than when I went out.

I'm going to try to get a short ride in tomorrow morning as well. Perhaps it will be cooler. Perhaps.

Team Fish: The Ride for FIVE is Dancing!

Team Fish has it's first official rider for this year. My buddy George is officially on board for our LiveSTRONG Ride for FIVE! Last year he kicked in the Team Guppy experience. This year I am promoting him to Team Fish for sure. It's so good to have you with us again, George.

On the fundraising side of things, Tom Kilgore has stepped up in a HUGE way and it will be my honor to ride for Joan Lewis. Big ups to my friends E, J. Scott, Kyle, and Marvin. After just one day of official fundraising, we stand at $775 toward our goal of $5,000. We're up early and DANCING ON THE PEDALS!

On a separate note, I was lamenting my lack of training. Yes, I am still sick. My friend Kurt gave me a word of encouragement which I would do well to remember, in cycling and in life. He said, "Sometimes in life you just don't get to prepare for what comes next. You are quite aware of that. Make the best of it. Push down, move forward, repeat..."

If things work out the way I hope, I'm going for a short ride tomorrow.

Ride for Five: Update

In every battle, there is always that calm which precedes the clash of arms. The two armies face off across an expanse, sizing one another up, usually acquainted with the damage the other can inflict, the tactics they might employ, and trying to get some insight into exactly what is coming. You see it a lot in movies, in Gladiator when the Romans are facing the Germanic hordes, or the Orcs facing the Riders of Rohan at Helm's Deep for those of us who are Lord of the Rings geeks, or even the Scots and the English at Bannockburn as portrayed in Braveheart. And then there is that moment when someone lets fly with an arrow or a spear or even tosses a sword and the battle is joined.

So it is with Team Fish as we prepare for the fifth annual LiveSTRONG rideride, dubbed the Ride for Five. It's my fifth anniversary of winning against cancer. It's my fifth year of taking the battle to this monster. And once again we stand across the distance, facing off against each other, sizing one another up.

Once again, my friend Greg Woods has shot the first arrow into the battle. He has pledged the entire cost of my entrance for the LiveSTRONG event (and then some!) to get things roling for Team Fish. Words cannot express my thankfulness, and it will be my joy to ride in honor of John Woods.

So, with one month left before the battle is joined, and we're wading into it. Now, WHO'S WITH US?

Support us by CLICKING HERE.

Behind...

One of the unfortunate side-effects of the National Stuttering Association's Annual Conference was the flight out, sitting next to a guy who had Captain Trips (or some such thing). I'm not sure how I always find "THAT" guy, but I do. And, as (my) luck would have it, I picked up the bug and have been laid low for about a week and a half, hacking, coughing, and generally not sleeping as an added bonus.

As a result, I am clearly behind in my training, having been sick for about a week and a half. This is the second sustained sickness I have had this year as I have prepared for the fifth annual LiveSTRONG ride. Still, I actually feel a little better today. I am hoping I can get in the miles necessary to do this right. And to survive it.

Thoughts and prayers are always welcome.

National Stuttering Association Annual Conference

I went on vacation with the family to the National Stuttering Association's annual conference (frequent readers of the Fish Blog will recall theat Little Fish stutters, but it never seems to slow her down). We had the honor of meeting and listening to and meeting David Seidler, the Oscar-winning screenwriter of The King's Speech.

We also had a great time reconnecting with old friends and also meeting new ones. There were almost 1,000 people this year and more than 300 were first time attendees. The momentum gained by The King's Speech has really given a push to the awareness of those who stutter. Further, that awareness has led to more and more people finding the National Stuttering Association and getting resources, help and support. It's a great place for those who stutter, or if you know someone who does and the organization continues to get the word out: If you stutter, you're not alone.

Once again, I laughed, I cried, and it changed my life. Not to mention the incredible things it continues to do for my Li'l Fish. Pretty amazing time, to be sure.

Team Fish: The Ride for FIVE!

FIVE.

FIVE years ago I was given a diagnosis that would change my life forever. FIVE years ago, I was diagnosed with cancer. It was FIVE years ago I dedicated myself to beating cancer at every turn, whenever and wherever I could. FIVE years ago, I became a survivor. FIVE years ago, Collin was still with us. So was Bob. And Terri. And John. And Lucy. And Beth. And a great many others.

FIVE years later, I am still here. And I am still riding in the belief that we can create a world where 28 million people can live lives of hope, of dignity, and of cancer-free joy.

This year, we have set a goal of FIVE Riders. We have set a fundraising goal of $5,000. It's our Ride for FIVE. We would love it if you could ride with us for Team Fish's LiveSTRONG Ride for FIVE. We would love it if you could support us in our Ride for FIVE.

So I'll ask again...Time number FIVE: "WHO'S WITH US?"

Support Me: CLICK HERE


Join Team Fish: CLICK HERE

What I Learned Riding My Bike to Work

1) The world is flat when you're in a car. Those hills are bigger than they seem from behind the steering wheel, but, oddly enough, aren't as large as I thought when I was pedaling. Maybe I'm not in as bad a shape as I thought. Speaking of which, there is nothing like a ride in Spring to remind you that you promised you would be in shape this Spring. And that you have once again failed.

2) People in Central PA are generally respectful of cyclists. I have heard horror stories from bike commuters, and I have to say that most of them are great.

3) Pursuant to point 2, I do want to say to the motorcyclists out there to please remember that in many respects, we are brothers. We both ride on two wheels. We're both regarded as second-class citizens on the road. We're both always seen as going to slow or two fast. I would also like to point out the utter ridiculousness of questioning the sexuality of a cyclist while riding past in leather chaps. Just sayin'...

4) I don't generally think of a bra as optional equipment for a run on the MUT. For that woman that did, you might want to reconsider.

5) The world moves at a slower pace from a bike, and I find I am much, much more in tune with my senses when I ride. I can smell the flowers in bloom and the fresh cut grass, hear birds singing in the early morning air, feel the wind change direction and even taste the gnats that just flew into me in a frenzied swarm.

6) I really can't wait to do it again.